I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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