so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
