I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize