would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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