I think I just saw someone hide a body.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
