I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
