i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize