i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
