I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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