you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
