I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you would pick up someone in the library
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
