your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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