it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
