Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
