wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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