Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
