Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
