tell your sister to shave her snatch
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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