you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
