Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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