I didn't shave. On purpose
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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