im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
