I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
