Can Purell be used as lube?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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