their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
