i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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