Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
