i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
