We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize