just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just gargled with NyQuil
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