I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
