Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
