It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
