I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
