Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
