friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
