Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
