I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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