He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
