and she was petting her beer can
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
