Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
