Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
