it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
