I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
and she was petting her beer can
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
