I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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