that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
