Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
