My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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