He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
