I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
