I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
