if i can run in heels then i can drive
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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