Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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