hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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