I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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