Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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