My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
