one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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