Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
