he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
