i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The adults are the big ones right?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
