i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
