Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
