omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
