She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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