He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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