apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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