at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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