Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
