this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
