Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
