Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
