just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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