I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
