Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
