my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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