he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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