i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
