Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
