We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
