apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
