It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
