I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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