Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
